The first time I thought of producing materials to clarify the truth of the persecution of Falun Gong was some time ago, when there weren't many practitioners in the area. Material sites and materials were scarce. Many times I wanted to obtain materials but did not dare to bring it up to other practitioners. At that time, the Clearwisdom website published many Dafa books online with a catalogue and table of contents. I thought, "Even though I don't know how to use a computer, it'd be good if I could get one and just print them out."
When my son bought a computer, I bought an all-in-one printer to go with it, and began printing materials. In less than three months, as soon as I managed to figure out how the ink cartridge worked, it died on me. It happened because I was afraid my family members would find out that I was printing materials, so I would wait for them to fall asleep each night to bring it out. One day, my ink cartridge broke when I was placing it on the floor, causing a short circuit. I bought another printer, an Epson all-in-one, but after a while, it also stopped working. Someone suggested that I clean it, so I took it for a cleaning, which took an entire month. Not long after I figured out how to reset the machine, the printed pages began to look ugly. Then I bought a mini-laser printer. I thought that, since it cost a lot, it should be a good product and free from trouble. Still, I had to take it in for repairs twice in a year and change six components.
In less than two years, even though I had not produced very many materials, I had spent a fortune. The problems never stopped, and I realized that it was due to my own attachments.
When I first began printing, other practitioners often sent me cash, which I refused to accept for two reasons. First, since I was restricted by my family environment, I didn't dare to do too much. I could only print on a small-scale, which I could afford. Secondly, I started from nothing, so if I didn't do well, wouldn't that be a waste of money? If I had to waste money, then it should be my own. I couldn't possibly waste money meant for the materials site. The first thought was so-so, but the second one was a major loophole. I did not immerse myself into the whole body. Instead, I actively acknowledged the evil's economic persecution. I lacked righteous thoughts which brought about interference in what I was doing. This was the fundamental reason behind all the problems that arose.
Through the entire process, I did not give Fa study priority, especially in the beginning. I was inflated with the attachment to doing things, so how could I improve my xinxing (heart and mind nature) ? I did not know how to treasure my machines, and whenever problems arose, I relied heavily on other practitioners (while at the same time having strong attachments to fear.) Each time I did this, the reply was the same, although expressed differently: "Try to figure it out yourself." I couldn't get what I wanted and did not realize that this was my cultivation path. No one else could do it for me. I also did not search inwards. But I couldn't stop, either. With nowhere else to turn, I could only face it myself. It wasn't until I had spent over 2,000 yuan on the printers and more than 3,000 yuan on replacing the components that I stopped and reflected inwards: "Am I making materials? I'm simply throwing away money. Many other practitioners are also printing from the weekly Clearwisdom magazines, but none of them seem to be wasting as much money as I am and accomplishing so little. Am I validating the Fa?" I finally understood after I watched the DVD of Master's lecture to the Australian practitioners. My money is also part of Dafa's resources. Yet I have been throwing it away, wasting large amounts of resources. Fundamentally, I did not study the Fa well, I did not look inside unconditionally when problems arose, and was unable to correct myself according to the Fa, thus allowing the evil factors to make use of my loophole.
Looking back at this period of time, although many problems arose due to my inability to see my fundamental attachment, every step along the way was part of my cultivation. I went from being afraid to let others see the printing paper I bought in the beginning, to buying it in boxes and even helping other practitioners purchase it. I went to the store to add ink or toner to cartridges one by one so that I could learn how they worked. In the process I eliminated many other attachments, including the attachment to doing things, fear, jealousy, bearing grudges, fame, and validating myself, among others.
In the six months that followed, I was joined by another practitioner who had been forced to live away from home. Even though the time was short, I learned a great deal. Practitioners are like a mirror. She let me see my shortcomings. Both of us also felt Master's protection to help us quickly improve on the Fa. We studied the Fa, sent righteous thoughts, printed materials, and shared our understandings together. Cultivating in this environment, I felt that I was improving every single day. I learned how to look inwards unconditionally, and I felt the compassion in pointing out other practitioners' shortcomings and the joy of immersing myself in the Fa. It was not until the other practitioner was illegally arrested that we stopped working together.
Even then, my pace quickened. Even though my material site is one of the smallest, I do my best to let it bloom beautifully, just like the millions of others. When I wanted to learn how to install the operating system, other practitioners gave me a "Materials Site Technical Guide." When I was agonizing over how to install the Internet, practitioners brought me a wireless card. I wanted to look for technical help, and Master arranged for me to come into contact with another senior practitioner who had been working on it for a while. We learned from each other, studied together, and both of us are working independently now.
The process of making materials is also part of my cultivation. The losses incurred in the process are the result of my own xinxing. There are things that I have enlightened to, and others that I have not. The thing most deeply felt in the process has been the awareness that cultivation is solemn and that every one of our thoughts should be on the Fa. If not, we might bring troubles to our own cultivation or even hurt the entire body. Therefore, studying the Fa more and studying the Fa well, just like Master requires of us, is the key.
Having walked this far and looking back, I'm amazed at how orderly Master has arranged things. I can feel Master's immense compassion. The only way I can repay him is to do well the Three Things and fulfill my prehistoric vow.
Thank you, Master, for your compassion and salvation!
Thanks to practitioners for your selfless help!
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