Although it has been over ten years, I still would like to share my experience to express my gratitude to Teacher and to let people know the magnificence of Dafa through my experience.
I had to retire when I was in my thirties because of poor health. Without an income, I had to seek medical treatment all over the country, causing financial difficulties for my family. In addition, I seemed to have bad luck. People always misunderstood and blamed me for everything, even if it was not my fault. They said, "It must be because of you, as who else would be at fault?" Just when I was feeling extremely miserable and desperate, I learned that my husband had had an affair. It felt as if my world had come to an end, and I didn't know why I was destined to suffer such misery. I went to a temple and knelt down in front of a Buddha statue. I also tried several kinds of qi gong and the result was that my health became even worse.
Two or three years passed, and the hatred had been accumulating in my heart. One day I told myself, "I don't want to live any longer. I will kill my husband's lover, and then I will die."
"A wicked person is born of jealousy. Out of selfishness and anger he complains about unfairness towards himself." ("Realms" from Essentials for Further Advancement) verified
Driven by my jealousy, I started collecting "evidence." All I could think about was how to kill her and myself.
One day a lady in our community gave me a book entitled Zhuan Falun. She told me, "This is a great book, and you should read it." At the beginning, I didn't take it seriously and only occasionally read a few pages. However, I somehow could not let go of the book. One night, I finished reading the entire book and I was very excited. It was truly a great book. The next morning I went to that lady's home and told her that I wanted to practice Falun Gong. She was so happy for me. She gave me some materials. I opened one page and saw five big characters, "My true disciples..." I felt that Teacher was calling me. I couldn't describe my feelings in words. I was in tears. Thus, I started on my path of returning to my origin. That was in late 1996, only two days before the beginning of 1997.
As I studied the Fa, I began understanding many issues to which I had been seeking answers. Teacher said in Zhuan Falun,
"People only have health problems and suffering because they did bad things in the past and made karma. When they go through hard times they are paying off a karmic debt, so nobody can just go and change that at will. If it's changed, that's like letting somebody who's in debt get off without paying it back, and you can't just go and do that on a whim. That's the same as doing something bad."
I must have done something bad that hurt these people in the past, and now they were seeking repayment, and I can't get off without paying the debt. Upon realizing this, I told myself that I could no longer put the blame on them. All of my miseries were caused by myself in the past. One day, Teacher showed me a big character, "Compassion." It was as big as a wall in my house. Teacher said,
"A benevolent person always has a heart of compassion. With no discontentment or hatred, he takes hardship as joy." ("Realms" from Essentials for Further Advancement) verified
I destroyed all the evidence that I collected and decided not to fight with my husband, but instead I would treat everyone with compassion. I felt very light and happy. My health had also improved.
However, several days later, my attachment of sentiment came back. I couldn't suppress my feeling of being mistreated. Although I joined the Fa study group and studied the Fa by myself at home, the bad thoughts still stuck in my head. One day when I felt very bad, I said in front of Teacher's portrait, "Teacher, why is it so difficult for me to let go?" Suddenly I felt as if I were as tall and big as the house. When I looked down, people appeared only one or two inches tall and they were moving around on the ground. At the same time, I saw tears falling from Teacher's eyes in his portrait and I cried. Teacher truly cares for every practitioner. He was giving me a hint that I was a practitioner and that I should not take the filthy things in the human world too seriously. I should take them lightly and even abandon them. I am a practitioner and I cannot be like an ordinary person. I started studying the Fa diligently, and gradually I felt better. After a while, I completely let it go. Without hatred and jealousy, my surroundings improved.
If it were not for Teacher's compassion, and if I had not studied the Fa, I don't know what I would have done.
Since I was little, I was brought up being educated in atheism. My ten years of elementary school and high school were ten years of the Cultural Revolution, and I didn't learn anything good. All I heard and saw was the attacks, beatings, and fighting that was promoted by the Chinese Communist Party. I didn't know what was good and bad, let alone how to be a good person. My judgement of good and bad was reversed. Compassionate Teacher saved me.
I often thought how great a society it would be if everyone came to learn Dafa, as only Dafa can change a person fundamentally and improve his morality. It can turn hatred into compassion.
Over ten years have now passed, and I will never forget this experience. I cannot repay Teacher no matter what I do, and I don't know how to express my gratitude to Teacher. I can only do the three things well with righteous thoughts.
You are welcome to print and circulate all articles published on Clearharmony and their content, but please quote the source.