As Falun Dafa practitioners, we all know that our grand missions are to save sentient beings, and that we came to this world to honour our prehistoric vows. Wherever we are, whatever we do, this is our basis. If we can be steadfast and do everything from the aspect of saving sentient beings, then we can eliminate all selfish and bad thoughts. Consequently, our hearts will be selfless and everything can easily be solved. However, much of the time, I find it difficult to uphold this basis. Sometimes when I am controlled by the attachment of doing things and other attachments, I forget my true goals. If I do things just for the purpose of doing things, usually I can't achieve the desired result.
My husband was arrested this spring. We tried to rescue him using all kind of means. Though we felt that we did everything correctly and he did well while being detained, finally he was still sentenced to forced labour without any evidence. I knew clearly in my heart that Dafa restricts everything. It is crucial that our hearts remain unmoved. There must be something wrong with me. I started recalling my every thought during the process of rescuing my husband and to check if they were in accordance with Dafa, and if my basis was correct.
I asked myself, "When my husband was persecuted, did I regard him as my fellow practitioner or as my relative? When another fellow practitioner is persecuted, can I still go close to his place to send forth righteous thoughts? Will I still be nervous? Did I worry about my husband out of my concern about the loss that this had brought to Dafa or due to a human responsibility? Do these two attachments reflect that I am not firm in Dafa?"
Why was I pained when fellow practitioners were being persecuted? Why do I care about other people's opinions about me? Why do I care about other people's attitudes toward me? It is all because of my selfish "sentimentality."
I asked myself why I can't step out of the circle of "selfishness." When I consider my own situation, my own difficulties, my own misery and my own pressure, am I selfish and egocentric? Are these human notions? Aren't these all transformed by human thoughts? Aren't these all false impressions? Since they are all false impressions, what is the use of discerning between what agrees and disagrees with my own way of thinking? Are the persons who are nice to me and those who are not nice to me the same? Why can't I keep a peaceful mind? If I focus my thoughts and efforts on these superficial false impressions, struggle against them, immerse myself in them and can't get break through them, then wouldn't my will of assisting Teacher in Fa rectification be diluted?
I knew that my thoughts were human. When I went to see my husband, he said, "Walk less on the human path." I didn't have any feelings at that time, but now I understand that it isn't an easy state to achieve. It is a test for a true cultivator whether he or she has a righteous belief and a rock solid will.
I have always thought that my husband did well in the dark dens because he never cooperated with the evil. I thought he had already reached the standards that Dafa required of him. Such a thought later led to my unbalanced mentality and complaints. Now I know how dangerous such a thought is! Will a god have such a thought if he is in this kind of situation? Isn't this because I didn't firmly belief in Teacher? Where did I put Teacher in my mind? Have I ever thought of how much Teacher had to forbear for us? Dear Master: Your disciple didn't live up to your expectations. Teacher bears for the disciples silently, while your disciple is lost here, forgetting her prehistoric vows.
Dear fellow practitioners: Let's keep righteous thoughts at all times. Walk on the divine path, be more steadfast, and more diligent!
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