When I was in a labour camp I was not brainwashed and not required to write anything that the evil wanted. After I came out I was happy that I had "made it." However, through studying the Fa with fellow practitioners I realised that the Fa has different levels of requirements. As one upgrades, the standards and requirements also become higher.
I denied and resisted the evil persecution at different times in the camp, but many times I gave in to evil' orders and arrangements. I refused to memorise their "Regulations" to participate in the so-called "study sessions," and to sing their political songs. When faced with persecution, however, the crafty side of my human nature led me into doing and saying things that were not in accord with the universe' characteristics. On this matter I even had repeated occurrences.
For example, once when I was persecuted after they caught me practicing the Falun Gong exercises, they asked me whether I would still practice. My concern and worry overtook me and I dared not answer them directly. This actually equated to saying, "I will not practice." I deeply regretted my actions and words at the time because they were not in keeping with the Fa. I realised that my acquiescence and compromise to the evil' persecution have created destabilising factors among fellow practitioners, have smeared Dafa, and that I have conformed to the old forces' arrangements and encouraged the evil' arrogance. To completely deny the old forces and their arrangements, I hereby solemnly declare that my actions and words in the past that were not in keeping with Dafa to be null and void! In my future cultivation during the Fa-rectification-period I will be strict with myself and do well at Master' prescribed "three things," [study the Fa, clarify the facts and send righteous thoughts.] I will double my effort to make up for my mistakes and retrieve the loss to Dafa.
Dafa Practitioner Lu Po April 12, 2003
I was a practitioner of Falun Dafa. From the cleansing power of Dafa I truly understood the standards of genuinely being a good person, the karmic relationship between "good and evil," and how to embrace and treat all people and things with an ever broadened open-heartedness.
And yet, I was arrested suddenly in January of 2002 when somebody denounced me. I was then forced to do things that, until this day, I still cannot forgive myself for. After rounds and rounds of coercive intimidation and threats I betrayed Master Li, Dafa and fellow practitioners. I wrote and signed such documents as the "repentance letter," "guarantee" and "extrication statement." Ever since I have never regained my peace of heart. I hated myself for not being worthy of practicing Dafa and not treasured what Master has given me. I lived in excruciating pain and deep regret. I realised I could not give up Dafa, I missed Master Li and fellow practitioners, but I felt I am not worthy being a Dafa practitioner and a part of Dafa. I started to live my daily life like an ordinary person, but everything I did I used Dafa to measure myself against and demand of myself. Although I have drifted a long distance from Dafa' requirements, I tried very hard to carry myself as a Dafa practitioner.
Countless times I have heard a voice inside of me yell out, "I want to practice cultivation! I still want to be Master' disciple!" One time I told my story to another practitioner. Not only did she accept me despite all that I have done wrong, but she also patiently read to me again and again Master' principles. At the same time she told me to have firm belief in myself on the road of cultivation practice, and have faith in Master and Dafa so that I can return to cultivation practice and return to Master' side sooner.
Today I finally summoned the courage to solemnly declare that all that I have ever written and said that deviated from Dafa to be null and void. I am cleaning the stain and will double my effort in retrieving losses to Dafa. I also like to thank those fellow practitioners who have helped me in the past. I am back.
Declarer: Zhang Xiaolin March 10, 2003
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