I am taking the opportunity of this Fa conference to report some of my experiences in cultivating myself and looking within. In all these years of cultivation, under Teacher's protection and with my fellow practitioners' assistance, I've made some improvements.
With the desire to have fewer worries, I didn't like doing coordination work. However, in April 2008, a fellow practitioner of the regional Falun Dafa Association asked me to be our area's coordinator. I felt a sudden pressure, for I didn't know where to start. I had no experience at all. In fact, I'd prefer to be quiet without worrying about too many things, and would just offer some suggestions or opinions if anything needed to be done. But after more consideration on my part, I realized that there was no such thing as a smooth, easy path in genuine cultivation. So after becoming a coordinator, I encountered sudden frictions, occurring one after another. Due to the fact that I was always looking at someone else's faults, and seeing incompetence, without really looking within myself, I created lots of pain for myself, unable to raise my xinxing (character) level. My attachment to my personal comfort was strongly controlling my actions. I made up excuses to the district coordinator for not wanting to be a coordinator, excuses including being too old for the job, not speaking the local language, and no knowledge of how to use a computer.
However, these human notions aren't right, as my wisdom told me. Feeling conflicted in my heart and mind, I kept asking myself, "Are you still a Dafa practitioner if you don't validate the Fa? Teacher arranges your cultivation path, how could you change it at will? Do you still want to cultivate if you don't want to deal with these problems?" I agonized over it for a long time.
"In this world, the ordeals that Master faces, as with the accompanying pressure, come in numbers greater than tens of thousands each day, yet no one has managed to make me waver, and that cannot be done. No one can alter what I want to do. No one can alter it, no matter what form the ordeals that I face take. The same holds true for your validating the Fa. But in your case, as you validate the Fa and save people, you are a cultivator still, and cultivators have human attachments or else they would be gods. And could a god do cultivation? Gods cannot cultivate. Only those with human bodies can cultivate, and only that can be called cultivation. So, precisely because you have this human body, you have the opportunity to cultivate and to improve. That opportunity is extremely hard to come by, and precious--particularly when Dafa disciples have such a grand mission. So in your cultivation, no matter what ordeal comes along or what kind of difficulty you face, you cannot let those things change [your course]." (Fa Teaching at the 2008 New York Conference, May 24, 2008, in Manhattan)
I felt so remorseful reading these words that I started to cry, thinking of the ordeals that Teacher faces coming in numbers greater than tens of thousands each day, whereas mine was only such a little thing that I was wanting to run away from. I felt ashamed of myself, having no courage to face Teacher for saving me. Through Fa study, I was determined to tear down this barrier with strengthened righteous thoughts. Thus, I began looking for attachments within myself; I found I was too mindful of what others talked about, and I had a tendency to be sentimental. In reality, it was attachments of fame and pride. Was I any different from an ordinary person?
My comprehension was, being sentimental wasn't my true self, it was postnatal notions and attachments manifesting themselves. When thinking about this, I strongly eliminated these kinds of thoughts. So I jumped out of it quite quickly, eliminating my attachments of "pointing fingers," "complaining" and "suspicion" of fellow practitioners. Yet I still lack sufficient understanding, forgiveness, compassion, and patience. Thus, I always appeared unhappy.
I was lucky to have attended Fa Teaching at the 2009 Greater New York International Fa Conference, and I gained a lot from it. I found that I fell far behind when seeing the cultivation state of Dafa practitioners involved with Shen Yun.
"The assistants in some areas are narrow-minded." "If your mind is that narrow, how will you achieve what's needed?" (Fa Teaching at the 2009 Greater New York International Fa Conference, June 7, 2009)
I was shocked by what I read, and understood my own narrow-minded problem, which was the cause of my unhappy demeanour. How could I do Dafa work well with such a small-capacity heart?
Teacher arranges each Dafa practitioner's cultivation path, and each is unique from another. Since each fellow practitioner's base is different with varied abilities to enlighten to things, different degrees of diligence, various times of attaining the Fa, having different levels of Fa understanding, and gaining varied cultivation levels, how could I ask others to do exactly what I want with only my own way of thinking and looking at things? I've got to have more understanding, compassion, and tolerance for fellow practitioners. At the present, instead of finding fellow practitioners' weak points, I look for the areas in which they shine instead, and I feel that each of them is so very good, and so very precious.
After my notions changed, I began sharing more with fellow practitioners. I pay attention, show genuine interest, my care, and offer help if needed, and at the same time fellow practitioners are also changing. Now in our interactions, each of us seems to have more understanding and trust for one another.
Lately I came to realize that I have to treat all fellow practitioners just the same without any prejudice, and I have to think and do everything for the sake of others. For all Teacher's hints, I think about them again and again, and I'm determined to carry out what Teacher requires. I will also do my best to create a good environment for fellow practitioners. So, fellow practitioners, if you could kindly point out my errors, I will unconditionally look within myself, so that I may mature as soon as possible.
Thank you Master
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