I am a teacher and I have clarified the truth of Falun Dafa to my students. My supervisor found out what I was doing and put tremendous pressure on me, which caused me to become afraid, and I could not step forward to clarify the truth after that point.
A couple of days ago, I had a dream in which I wore a student's backpack and went to a building for class, with half of a steamed bun in my hand. I walked throughout the whole building but could not find the classroom. In a wide hallway, a couple of girls walked towards me with an IV in their veins, as if they had some disease. I saw them walking by, but I still could not find the classroom. For some reason, I walked into a room with patients inside. They welcomed me in and invited me to sit on their beds. I realized that it was not a school building, but a hospital. I only remember that there was half of a steamed bun in my hand, and a backpack on my back.
After I woke up, I realized that Teacher used this dream to enlighten me. I was not able to let go of the attachment to fame and money. I was afraid of losing my job and going hungry. I carried such a big burden (the backpack), and of course I could not find my way. Those patients were the people that I should save. I remembered Teacher's poem, "Journeying Via the Way" (Hong Yin II):
The Great Way travels through the world
Bringing salvation to lives once lost
Thoughts of fame, feeling, and profit gone--
Could any difficulty stop the holy one?
I could not step forward because of fear. What was I afraid of? I was afraid of losing my job, losing the benefits of work, losing my comfortable life and the income that my family depended on. And I was afraid that my family would suffer because of me. However, what was actually blocking me? Weren't those just attachments to fame, money and qing? I was always very defensive towards non-practitioners. I was worried that they would report me if I clarified the truth to them. I was worried that they were spies who were sent to check on me. Many people still did not know that I practised Dafa. I thought that they were not reliable and they were too stubborn to accept the truth, so I did not feel like clarifying the truth to them. I wanted to protect myself so that I could have a stable environment to study the Fa and do the exercises. Now the evil monitored me 24 hours a day, so I felt that I should not make contact with other practitioners any more since the evil might bring trouble to them.
Although that was the way I felt, actually, I was worried that I would be followed by police while going to other practitioners' homes and then end up being arrested. I built a "jail" in my heart. I looked inside and found that I had so many hidden attachments. Where was my heart for saving people? There was no place for saving people in my heart since it was completely occupied by the attachment of self-protection against non-practitioners. How could this be the attitude of a practitioner during Fa-rectification? Should I follow the path arranged by Teacher or the path arranged by the old forces? Did I do the three things well? I even did not trust my family members. I did not let them see the beauty of Dafa, help them quit the Chinese Communist Party and change their prejudice towards Dafa. Whenever we discussed these things, I would fight and quarrel with them and even become very angry with them. Was I truly cultivating myself?
After realizing this, I said to myself: "Teacher has not given up on you despite the fact that you are not diligent. You should be more diligent. You should do the three things well and save people with all your heart!"
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