Greetings Revered Master! Greetings fellow practitioners
Last year, I felt I was letting myself down when sending righteous thoughts. I wasn't focused enough.
At the end of December, when I was with my in-laws, I suddenly felt a pain in my stomach. I couldn't stay and went quickly to the bathroom. I couldn't stand up any more. I lost consciousness. I wished with all my heart to regain consciousness, because I did not want to lose control of my consciousness. While I was unconscious, I thought about Master and about the test I had to overcome. I regained consciousness after seeing a bright figure.
All night long my body literally emptied itself, it was heavy and I was struggling to keep a clear head. Despite the physical pain, I wanted to see what was going on and look inside. When the time of FZN came, even though I was weak, I decided to send righteous thoughts. During the night, I was able to look inside and I understood I was not doing FZN very seriously. I hadn't been diligent with it. After FZN, I felt much better.
My in-laws put a lot of pressure on me to take medicine and go to the hospital. I understood this was a test for me. Even if they were worried, I remembered Master‘s words:
“When an everyday person gets sick and doesn’t go to the hospital or doesn’t take medicine, that doesn’t conform to the principles of everyday people, it doesn’t conform to the principles of this world, and people can’t accept it: “Of course a person needs to take medicine when he gets sick.” “Of course a person needs to go to the hospital for treatment when he gets sick.” This is how people deal with this, and it isn’t wrong. But as a cultivator you can’t confuse yourself with an everyday person.”
“An everyday person needs to take medicine when he gets sick. But with you being a cultivator, I’m not forbidding you to take medicine either. But aren’t we talking about cultivation? And aren’t we talking about enlightening?”
(Teaching the Fa in New York City,1997)
Taking medicine would not have allowed me to eliminate what needed to be eliminated to overcome this ordeal. My family knows I practise Falun Dafa, so they were respectful but still insistent. One of the family members, a doctor, absolutely wanted to examine me. I didn't dare refuse. Once diagnosed, he said if I didn’t go to the hospital as soon as possible or if I didn’t take any medicine, the consequences could be very serious. My heart was not moved at that moment. I firmly believed I had made the right choice. So I thanked him sincerely. He asked me whether I would go to the hospital. I replied that I believed this was an extreme measure, and I had no doubt that everything would be alright. The doctor said he respected my decision and my beliefs. I smiled at him and he seemed more relaxed.
We then went to visit other family members who said the same thing as the doctor. I kindly refused. The women in the family took care of me and brought me hot water mixed with cinnamon and cornflour, which I gratefully drank. My body was already recovering its strength. I felt much better, I didn't have any more pain. My head remained clear. From then on, I knew I absolutely should reassure people around me in order for them to also accept and respect Falun Dafa. When this thought crossed my mind, I felt that my body was regaining most of its energy. An aunt cried out: “Look, her cheeks have turned pink again!” Smiling at them, I understood this was an opportunity to elevate myself by clarifying the truth to my family. After our discussion, my heart was calm and I could feel the atmosphere was calm as well. Everyone was happy; the anxiety had disappeared.
The power of FZN
After this happened, I realized I had to strengthen my righteous thoughts.
“As a matter of fact, if your thoughts are very righteous, when you walk down the street and go about your life in the city where you live, all of your surroundings will be cleansed. Your mere existence has the effect of saving sentient beings. But, despite your great abilities, you will still face adversity for the benefit of your personal cultivation, since everyone has a journey that he must make in cultivation. At the same time, the old forces have created many forms of interference to your validating the Fa. Under normal circumstances it is very hard to clear away that interference if the righteous thoughts aren't strong enough.”
(Teaching the Fa at the 2004 International Fa Conference in New York)
It seemed to me that Master had given me the opportunity to strengthen my righteous thoughts. From that moment on, my righteous thoughts were stronger and I was more focused. One day, I was sending righteous thoughts before the beginning of a class and the students were coming into the room. The students were amazingly quiet as they came in.
I was quite surprised. It was a pretty dynamic class, especially at that time of the day. I had prepared the study of an audiovisual document, a video that was on YouTube, connected to my professional account which only has professional content related to the course. As the YouTube video was about to start, the advertising for Shen Yun appeared on the full screen. The students remained silent, I was stunned and then relieved. I thought the effect of righteous thoughts was very powerful. I also understood I should clarify the truth to my students.
In the past, I was finding excuses: it’s not possible to talk about something that is not on the program; I cannot step out of my role as a teacher. It was an ordinary person's argument, an apology covering up an attachment to fear of what others might think. I was ashamed when I understood it. I had to find a way to clarify the truth to these people I was in regular contact with. Especially since my workplace provides me with a cultivation environment and opportunities to grow.
“The vast majority of people who do Falun Dafa, however, carry out their practice in the secular world (the exception being those who previously took monastic vows or were ordained), and so we inevitably lead normal lives in the world and are part of society. We have jobs and should be doing them well.”
(Zhuan Falun, Lecture Eight)
Even though I have to do my job successfully, I should also take advantage of opportunities to clarify the truth to the students. Despite this thought, I couldn't find an adequate way to do it. I was very annoyed. Gradually, I became obsessed with this thought. I could no longer do my ordinary work properly. I finally understood this fear of not being able to clarify the truth to the students was also an attachment. I should be diligent and look inside, cultivate myself to create an environment where I could clarify the truth to my students.
The opportunity came when I had not planned to discuss the subject at all. We were talking about new technologies, and suddenly we were talking about Internet censorship, especially in China. The students were asking questions about this. Many seemed to know there is censorship in China, that the information is filtered. One thing led to another, we talked about the Chinese regime and the system it imposed on the Chinese people and the world. Then, finally, a student asked a question: “Madam, are there labour camps in China?” I was very thankful for this question. This allowed me to clarify the truth to my students.
As a new practitioner, I am well aware that most of my path is ahead of me.
I sincerely thank Master because I have the impression that He is indeed standing by my side.
The above are my personal understandings. If there is anything inappropriate, please compassionately point it out.
Thank you Master! Thank you fellow practitioners!
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