I previously thought that only those who cultivate well and do well meet the standard to make a speech at a Fa conference. Because I’m so ordinary in all aspects, I’ve never thought of writing a sharing article for a Fa conference. Now I’ve changed my mind. I should have the courage to expose wherever I fell short during cultivation, find out any reason why I haven’t done well according to the Fa, and find any of hidden attachments and human mentalities I can’t let go of. Therefore the content of this sharing isn’t about what I’ve done in Dafa projects or how much I’ve done.
Below is what I went through recently whilst working on suing Jiang. When I was writing, I compared the difference in my cultivation state now to that when I was being persecuted, and I gained some insight as to how to regain that original state I was at when I first started to practise.
The wave of lawsuits against Jiang Zemin started in May this year and has become a huge issue for Dafa practitioners around the world. When I saw practitioners in Mainland China use their real names to sue Jiang, my first thought was that it’s great. We mustn’t let this rotten scoundrel get away with anything, there should be more mainland practitioners getting involved.
But somehow, in my mind, I felt this had nothing to do with me but rather it was a matter for mainland practitioners. Even after having learnt Master’s lecture regarding this issue, reading practitioners’ sharing articles on the Minghui website and exchanging opinions with some other practitioners in Norway, I remained indifferent and didn’t do anything about it.
Later, Minghui published the Criminal Bill of Indictment for the individual and for common use; I then downloaded it. Knowing that I had to spend quite a lot of time writing and there would be many things to recall, my slacking off, laziness and rebellious mind-set made me put it aside. My excuse was when I have time I’ll write it, and also that suing Jiang was a test of letting go of fear for mainland practitioners, which was less important for us who are outside of China. What’s more, when I was in China, I had written to the Communist Party management department and high officials many times using my real name, so that wasn’t a big test for me.
Actually, I knew behind the issue was my own laziness, being afraid of troubles, and being rebellious. These reflected the human side of me still having the upper hand, and not being responsible to the one body as a whole.
One day I had a phone conversation with my mother who is in Mainland China. She asked me whether I had written the indictment suing Jiang. I told her that I hadn’t. She said that many people like her in their 70’s or 80’s and without high education had written the indictment. She wondered why those who have been persecuted severely and were well educated, such as me, hadn’t written it. “Suing Jiang” was necessary as part of the celestial changes, one must write it.
Indeed, the excuses I had on the matter of suing Jiang were all based on “self”, with “selfishness” dominating. I didn’t think about the mass impact or what the situation as a whole required, not to mention thinking from the aspect of celestial changes. This showed that I fell behind too far on my cultivation path. I began to think carefully about the global impact of suing Jiang.
On 25th April 1999, the protest of ten thousand Dafa practitioners ignited a huge cosmic change. The ripple sparked the old forces to utilise everything they had to set a massive test for Dafa practitioners, whilst at the human level the leader and head aggressor Jiang Zemin utilised his power and the full mechanisms of the CCP to ruin, eliminate, persecute and defame Dafa and all Dafa practitioners. If on this occasion there are many more practitioners joining to sue Jiang, the resultant momentum may lead to the cessation of further persecution of Dafa by the evil party, and the old forces will be no more. Hence, it is imperative one writes, and to do so with all seriousness.
Thinking from another aspect, after arriving in Europe in 2010, my awareness of cultivating diligently has faded away by virtue of no outside pressures. It’s like a frog in warm water, gradually losing its vitality. Not like other veteran Dafa practitioners, who have become more diligent and rational in this topsy-turvy brutal test, I didn’t suppress and get rid of my inherent human notion, and even added new attachments. I was further away from Master’s requirement of cultivating like when I first obtained the Fa.
In fact, after I decided to write the letter to sue Jiang, every day I’d spend some moments recalling how my cultivation was from the beginning to the persecution in 1999, then up to the current day. During the process of writing, I ensured it was as factual as possible. I wrote earnestly and not mechanically. After my wife finished writing her part, I sent it by registered post, formally reporting Jiang Zemin’s crimes to the highest court in Mainland China.
After several days, a voice told me in my dream that my case has been set up. When I had time I checked the letter’s progress, I found my letter has been accepted five days ago, without any interference.
In fact, I’ve benefited a lot through writing the letter. It was not a waste of time, but an opportunity for me to recall my cultivation state when I first started. I looked back at these five years in Norway, comparing it with when I was in China. My cultivation has indeed slacked off, my human attachments have increased. Comparing it with before the persecution, my heart towards the Fa and my cultivation state have dropped a lot.
Firstly, I can compare my Fa study and exercises: before the persecution in 1999, I’d finish all five sets of exercises in one go just before work in the morning. I’d spend the whole evening on Fa study. When I first arrived in Norway, I still managed to do the all five sets exercises every day, but now I hardly ever do the exercises in one go, I often make excuses for myself in order to do less, even avoiding the standing exercises, as I felt the 2nd exercise was a bit too challenging for me.
Actually, it’s the fear of hardship. I’m not in accordance with Master’s requirement: “Takes hardship as joy” (Realms, ESSENTIALS FOR FURTHER ADVANCEMENT). Looking back, I used to do the exercises without interruption in Beijing during winter in minus 10 degrees with force 6 to 7 northerly wind. During summer I did the exercises amidst clouds of mosquitoes in heat of over 30 degrees. It started with my slacking off from doing the exercises.
In addition, when I read the Fa I was not as pious or as diligent as before. Now I often treat reading the Fa as a task to finish. The thought of treating the Fa with the highest reverence has become shaky. I lose concentration when I read, even though my mouth is uttering the words, my mind is thinking about something else.
If one does not keep up with studying the Fa and doing the exercises, the ultimate result is not having complete belief in Master and the Fa. For example, before the persecution if someone asked me: “Can you really achieve cultivation of nature and longevity? What I mean is will you look very young in the future.” I would certainly reply: “Yes!” In reality, now, my hair has gone white and my body has begun to age. I looked at the practitioners around me – the majority have begun to age as well. Now if someone asks me the same question, I won’t dare to be so certain about it as before.
In addition, how I FZN also demonstrated my realm had lowered. In the first two years of being in Europe, I paid great attention to eliminating all the evils in Europe and Mainland China. I would also FZN to help those practitioners who have been interfered with. But now, sometimes I make FZN a mere formality, my awareness of eliminating the evils as part of one body has weakened. I rarely FZN for fellow practitioners.
Before the persecution in1999, I had a strong sense of doing things every day according to the requirements of the Fa, either at work, or at home, I hardly slackened my cultivation. Even if I didn’t do well, I would speak out during Fa study and sharing, and I was determined to correct myself.
But after the evil persecution happened, in the face of tremendous external pressures, this led to my relaxation of my cultivation. The cruelty of the persecution constantly occupied my brain. The old forces thus had an excuse to seize upon this for the prevailing persecution. In other words, I can no longer compare myself with Dafa in my daily life; naturally I have reverted to the level of a human being. Besides, there have been some changes in my attitude towards things.
In fact, a day after April 25th, a colleague of mine told me, “Your Falun Gong practice might encounter some troubles, because the main government had an emergency meeting on 25th April, they want to investigate Falun Gong. You should be careful, otherwise your chance to go abroad for training will disappear.”
At that time I was working in a research lab within the army. Yet my attitude at the time was that righteousness would prevail. No matter what the outcome was, I wished to continue to cultivate. Thus, every day I would insist on attending the practice site, and I’d easily reach a good meditative state. After some time I was told there were new people attending the practice site to monitor the site. I continued to practise, not allowing myself to be interfered with.
As the situation got more serious, I was made to stop working. I lost the opportunity to move to the regimental housing, I had my uniform taken away, and I was finally sent to re-education camps. But I continued to hold steadfast with Dafa at the highest esteemed position and never wavered. Cultivation was my chosen path that I must walk.
At that time I had a strong awareness that my earthly existence was merely my cultivation environment. As long as there’s a place for me to sleep and eat, that’s all I need; the external environment is but the props for my cultivation journey.
But now, everything seems so automatic, with nothing out of the ordinary. My everyday cultivation focus has lowered. I am too relaxed to work towards returning to my original state.
Thirdly, my attitude towards fellow practitioners has changed dramatically. At the beginning, if anybody wanted to learn the exercises and study the Fa, I would be so happy for him or her. I knew this would be their best opportunity to gain salvation, to connect to the predestined relationship in cultivation, a once in a lifetime opportunity. So deep inside I would be pleased for them, and I would try to encourage them to carry on the path of cultivation.
But now, I don’t feel I have that kinship with fellow practitioners around me as I once had at the beginning, rather I’ve become critical: He’s gone very extreme, she’s not punctual, you’re overzealous, you’re just for show. You’re boastful in your words! I’ve become like an everyday person with an ordinary person’s attitude.
I still carried resentments towards an individual. I thought he affected my reputation and his extreme behaviour tarnished the reputation of Dafa etc. This even led to me not wanting to participate in some Dafa projects as he was in them.
Actually, looking inwards, my attitude towards others has been terrible. Not only did I not have compassion as a practitioner, worse still I was no better than ordinary people. Sometimes what had manifested was demonic nature, seeing practitioners’ shortcoming as their innate flaw. Even having learnt Master’s lecture on this aspect, I still didn’t make the comparison and correct myself.
Master said in “What is a Dafa Disciple”, “A person’s good side can’t be seen anymore, as it has been separated. What you see will always be the side that has not been cultivated yet. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have a compassionate heart, or should look at people in rigid ways.”
Master also said in “Fa Teaching Given at the 2014 San Francisco Fa Conference”, “I’m not saying that some Dafa disciples have cultivated poorly. The part of them that has been fully cultivated is separated away. For as long as you have human things left here on this human side, you will have bad things and bad thoughts, and the closer things are to the surface level, the worse they appear to be.”
Looking at it now, if people were to only see my demonic side, they would have a terrible opinion of me. Master asked us to view things from the Fa perspective, and use Dafa as the standard to measure everything. But I still use my own notions to measure everything, to judge things from my own perspective. Yet my own perspective was just concepts nurtured and developed among everyday people over a prolonged period of time. This idiosyncrasy of mine will need to be cultivated away. I’ve not really cultivated well whilst immersed in the Fa.
In order to change this state, I realised I must utilise the Fa as the foundation, every moment and action must be in line with the Fa, to change the egotistic view I have of myself. Only then will I not be moved by false illusions around me, and only then will I be able to jump out of this human level and go beyond.
In fact, since I gradually suppressed my human thoughts about “analysing others' weaknesses”, when I looked at fellow practitioners around me, they all exhibited attributes that are extraordinary and precious. To make it to today in their cultivation, really wasn’t easy.
Now let’s talk about looking within. When I encountered problems before I knew I should look within. I would often find a pile of problems, I also tried to find others' problems too, and I would say due to their shortcomings, it was they whom caused the situation we faced today. In fact, it was my ego at play.
Looking at things now, I really haven’t cultivated seriously. I simply insist on my own opinions, get attached to other practitioners’ shortcomings, and somehow I would more or less affect the whole body. If practitioners cannot work as one body, the Old Forces will be very happy as we are all fighting with each other. This would give them the excuse to create more interference.
Master pointed out in “Fa Teaching Given at the 2015 New York Fa Conference”, “A few years ago what I was most worried about was that even when the persecution was so severe, many people weren’t able to cooperate with one another on Dafa projects. There were a lot of things that fell through as a result of your disputes; a lot of things fell through as a result of evil factors exploiting your strong competitiveness with one another.”
When we use Master’s teachings to assess how things have gone, some of our projects indeed failed as we are divided among practitioners. For me, if I could be like how I was before the persecution, to sincerely treat fellow practitioners well and quietly put right any short comings, I think things would play out much more positively, and maybe the one body environment would be much better than now.
Finally, let’s come back to the topic of “cultivating like back at the start”. Now I realise, only by placing the Fa at the foremost position, treating everything in daily life, such as family, work, study, etc., as my cultivation environment and an opportunity to save sentient beings, will I not worry about those attachments which are difficult to get rid of, like jealousy, competitiveness, showing off, lust. Because those human attachments are so tiny among genuine cultivation, they will automatically be suppressed. At the same time, those substances that can evoke human emotions will disappear, and be replaced with rationality and wisdom by assimilating to the Fa.
For me to position the Fa at the foremost position, the first step is to complete the five sets of exercises every day. If I can’t do them in one go, I need to find time to finish them. Also, in order to improve the previous situation of not focusing on what’s been read, I decided to memorise the Fa instead of reading the Fa. So I changed my previous reading the Fa to learning the Fa off by heart. In my daily life, I try my best to say and act according to the Fa, to meet the requirements of the Fa.
I want to get back as soon as possible to my original cultivation state like when I first started out! I hope all practitioners will find their own original cultivation states, and truly improve themselves according the Fa, until you reach your Fruit Status.
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