I came from Xinjiang, China and I am Kazakh. I have been cultivating for more than three years now and I have a lot in mind to share with fellow practitioners. Due to the limitation of language, I didn’t know how to express my thoughts thoroughly and I felt a lot of pressure. The process of writing an experience sharing article is like a new cultivation process for me. It is also a process of getting rid of the attachments of fear, inferiority, fame and profit as well as letting go of ego. I managed to complete this cultivation experience sharing under Master’s blessing.
1. Difficulty Obtaining the Fa
When I was in Xinjiang I only finished work after 8pm everyday due to the time difference between Xinjiang and Beijing. After returning home, I normally watched Korean drama on TV and had not noticed any news about Falun Gong. It was not until the end of 2005 that I heard about Falun Gong for the first time. I heard from my friend that her colleague was imprisoned because of practising Falun Gong. At the time I didn’t ask her further what Falun Gong was about. I thought the religion I believed in was the only thing that mattered and I did not really approve of other religious beliefs, let alone some kinds of Qigong practice.
The opportunity came to me to come to Switzerland a few years ago. My academic degree in China was not recognised in Switzerland so I had to go to study while working at the same time. In order to pay for the college fees and living expenses, I worked extremely hard in the daytime and went to the college in the evenings and weekends. I felt very tired after a few years.
When I was in China, I was a doctor working in a hospital and I had a sense of pride. In Switzerland, I had to start from the very bottom again and I felt very lost. I took fame and profit very seriously. Conflicts with family such as complaints with my stepmother and my stepsister, as well as infighting among colleagues made me exhausted. I cried when I was very tired. I suffered insomnia due to tiredness.
Later, I suffered an irregular heartbeat, tightness in the chest and my eyes were sore when reading or looking at the computer screen. I had anxiety, night sweats and I was afraid of cold and windy conditions. I would immediately feel chilly if the window 20 metres away had a tiny gap. I had to change clothes a few times a day. At the worst I had to change 12 times. When I perspired a lot in the winter, my sweater and down jacket could be soaked with sweat. These symptoms got worse and worse. I had to wear a hat when opening windows because of the fear of wind. Otherwise I could catch a cold straight away. My body was puffy and my colleague whom I had not seen for a year thought I was pregnant. When I went out I needed to take a large backpack with me so that I had a lot of clothes to change into.
I often went to Chinese medicine treatments since western medicine could not find out what was wrong with me. I changed Chinese medicine doctor very often and took Chinese herbs for over two years. In Switzerland, the Chinese herbs were expensive and I spent a lot of money to buy herbs using the money that I earned. I often relied on sleeping pills to get some sleep. Then the next day I felt dizzy, had a lack of concentration and could not efficiently study and work. Eventually I could not sleep at all the whole night and my body was shaking with fear. I was so afraid of nighttime's arrival. This had an impact on my husband. He had to stay up night after night pouring water and hot milk for me to drink. He didn’t get a good night's sleep. When I was working in the daytime, as soon as patients walked in, I began to be afraid and thus I was unable to work. In the end, I had to resign all my jobs and remained at home resting.
At the time, I felt I was merely a walking shell and my life was meaningless. When I was waiting for the train at the station, I had to force myself to stay further away from the railway track so that I would not develop the thought of jumping down. When I was very ill, I realized that all the fame and profit pursued as well as success above others etc. was worthless. I developed a huge suspicion about life: why I was born in the end and why I was subjected to such a big tribulation.
Luckily I came across Falun Gong when I reached the dead end of my life.
One day, a doctor friend of mine came to my house and she brought her recently met colleague with her. He clarified the truth of Falun Gong to me. I half-believed half-doubted what he said, I could not get my head around why doctors also practised Falun Gong. So I had some debate with him and asked him many questions.
After a few days and by chance, I somehow turned on the NTDTV online programme. I watched a programme called “Fortune or Disaster---A life Story of Dai Yiwei”. I found it inconceivable. Dai Yiwei said as soon as she read “Zhuan Falun” once on the internet, all her illnesses were gone the next day. I was rather doubtful but I would give it a try. So I rang that doctor I just met recently. He was very happy and brought me a copy of the “Zhuan Falun” book as well as the mp3 recordings of Master’s Fa lecture. He taught me the exercises as well. I didn’t manage to learn all the movements so I carried on learning online a few times. Later, all my symptoms and all my discomfort disappeared in 3 days. I was astonished. My own experience made me believe in Falun Gong and believe supernatural ability truly existed.
When I did the exercises I could not help but shed tears. When I was doing the meditation, my tears fell and soaked my clothes and sitting mat. When I was reading “Zhuan Falun”, my tears kept running down and I didn’t know why. Sometimes as soon as I sat down, my tears started dripping down and I could cry continuously for a few hours. Perhaps my knowing side knew the reason.
Although I am from Mainland China, cultivation was very foreign to us ethnic minorities due to the differences in culture, language and religion. I didn’t know what a Buddha was and who Tathagata was. At the beginning, I did not understand the contents in the “Zhuan Falun” book regarding Qigong and cultivation. However, I genuinely liked Zhen Shan Ren from the bottom of my heart. I thought whoever could live and follow the principles of Zhen Shan Ren, this society would be able to turn good, regardless of the nationality and religion of this person.
With further Fa study, I gradually understood the content in the book. I came to understand where I came from, why humans suffered badly, how to be a good person, how to be a better person, how to be a person who completely considers others first and what cultivation was about. I came to understand that the purpose of this life in the human world was to return to one’s true self. Falun Dafa doesn’t pay attention to formality but it is a cultivation practice that can directly point to one’s heart and can truly enable you to be a good person.
I realised that this was the path that I needed to take so I was determined to cultivate Falun Dafa single-heartedly. I really regret I did not have the chance to obtain Falun Dafa earlier when I was in China. If so, then I would not have harmed others and created karma in ignorance. I would neither have pursued fame and profit, nor would I have had so many illnesses. It was Falun Dafa that saved me. If it was not for Falun Dafa, I wouldn't know where I would be now.
After I started cultivation, I was able to work again and continue to finish my studies. My graduation dissertation was about the issues of insomnia. In my dissertation, I mentioned that since practising Falun Gong, my insomnia was cured. Since practising Falun Dafa, my study and exams went very smoothly. I even took part in the national examination for the Traditional Chinese Medicine qualification and obtained very good marks.
2. Losing the attachment of inferiority
I used to use my mother tongue to study during my time in primary school and middle school. I could speak some simple mandarin by the end of the middle school. After attending university, I started to learn formal medical mandarin. Therefore my mandarin has a Xinjiang accent and sometimes when I pronounced words incorrectly at work, my colleagues would laugh at me. This made me develop a feeling of inferiority. After I started cultivation, I slowly began to lose this attachment of inferiority.
At the beginning, I followed fellow practitioners in the local German part of Switzerland to read “Zhuan Falun” a few times in the German language. I was not fully understanding it so I started reading the Chinese version of “Zhuan Falun”. When I came across unrecognized Chinese words, I looked them up in the dictionary. I went to ask my mandarin fellow practitioners to explain the parts I didn’t understand. Soon after, I started to join the Sonant and reading the Fa together with fellow practitioners. I was very afraid of reading out loud in the beginning, fearing my accent and pronunciation mistakes. When I first sat by the computer and opened Sonant to read, my chest felt breathless and I was afraid of my wrong pronunciation and wrong words. The more nervous I was the more I stammered. I was really grateful to fellow practitioners’ patience, encouragement and kind corrections. I understand Fa study is serious and now I am able to let go of my self as well as my selfishness and worries. I am very happy about getting fellow practitioners’ corrections when I pronounce words incorrectly. I joined face to face Fa study every Thursday and can catch up with Fa study now.
3. Losing the attachment of Fear
I grew up timid and I had a big attachment of fear. My attachment of fear became a very big obstacle in terms of “doing the three things” well. I first went to a busy high street with fellow practitioners to set up an information booth to expose the CCP’s brutal persecution against Falun Gong as well as collecting signatures to stop the CCP’s organ harvesting. I remembered I was so scared and petrified. I was hiding behind fellow practitioners. I was afraid that Chinese people could see me and I was afraid to talk to strangers. I was very distressed.
Master talked in the article “The Ultimate Objective of Clarifying the Truth”: “In other words, no matter how evil the persecution is, Dafa disciples are still heading towards Consummation amidst the evil’s tests; whereas the world’s people, who have been instilled with the wicked Party’s lies, are the ones who are truly in danger.”
I have been thinking: fellow practitioners in mainland China were persecuted, imprisoned and organ harvested alive because they practise Falun Gong. While I practise Falun Gong abroad in a relaxed and free environment, I have got the responsibility to oppose the persecution and expose the evil. Clarifying the truth is my responsibility.
Whenever my attachment of fear arose, I often recited the poem “What’s to fear?”(Hong Yin vol2). Gradually my attachment of fear disappeared. I have noticed I am no longer afraid of clarifying the truth to strangers and Chinese tourists when participating in the signature collection activities. I have even joined the telephoning group to clarify the truth to mainland Chinese. I also took part a few times in the project of giving out Shen Yun leaflets.
Since I began to cultivate, I followed the criteria of Zhen Shan Ren to discipline myself and treat others with my compassionate heart. Now I get along very well with my stepmother and my stepsister. I no longer get angry with my husband. I take fame and interest lightly at work and take one step back in dealing with everything. My relationships with colleagues are becoming harmonised as well.
Here I indeed thank Master from the bottom of my heart for letting me obtain Falun Dafa. I need to constantly upgrade my Xinxing and do the three things required by Master well. If there is anything inappropriate in this sharing, fellow practitioners, please compassionately point it out.
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