Ever since I was a child, I often had dreams where scenes in those dreams would happen later in real life. Initially I was rather shocked, but then got used to it. Observing people and things around me, everyone was chasing fame and fortune. I felt if the purpose of life was just that, it would be too boring. In high school I started to think about the meaning of life. In university I began to read books about the universe, life and even aliens to look for answers. After qigong became popular, because my brothers were keen on qigong, I read books by almost every famous qigong master. I even attended a qigong class, sincerely wanting to experience it, but it came to nothing in the end.
One morning in May 1992, I woke up to a house full of refreshing sandalwood fragrance. My ex-husband and I started looking for the source of the smell, and finally discovered that it came from my hands and navel. I was pleasantly surprised, feeling good. I did not want to shower, wanting to keep this fragrance. But it only lasted one week before it disappeared. In the summer of 1997, a relative who practised Falun Gong lent me Zhuan Falun. I finished the book within two days and had the answers to everything.
In the first six months of cultivation, I self-taught myself the movements from the illustrations in Falun Gong. Every day I did the exercises at home diligently, not knowing about Fa study. Later, the relative told me to participate in group exercises and Fa study. The first time I took part in group exercises, I felt great sadness during the sitting meditation. I could not help but cry out loud. At the end of the exercises, I found that my two hands and two legs were, respectively, stuck together. I could not pull them apart. Sadness continued to pour out from the bottom of my heart. Crying, I told the others to go ahead, leave me alone. In double lotus position, I sat there crying, until all the sadness in my heart completely came out. When I finished crying, my hands and legs were unstuck too. Later I joined group exercises and Fa study. I watched Master’s overseas lecture videos and went out to spread Falun Gong.
Later, a new practice site was created near where I lived. A fellow practitioner and I were in charge. Within a few months 7.20 began. Dafa was subjected to wicked slander and libel. As a Dafa disciple it was my duty to clarify the truth. At that time we read The Story of Jesus Christ. We asked where were the disciples of Jesus? We felt that our lives were not important at all. We absolutely could we not let the same thing happen to Dafa. So in April 2000, I went with dozens of fellow practitioners to the provincial government to petition. I was locked up in a detention centre for a month. After getting out in July, despite constant police surveillance, I walked with another practitioner into the Bureau of Complaints in Beijing, where we were detained. We were brought back from Beijing by the local police and sentenced to “re-education through labour”. I didn’t have a solid foundation of Fa study, plus I had various human attachments and sentimentality, such as seeking knowledge, seeking so-called higher principles, seeking to cultivate to higher levels, etc. As a result, I was cheated and confused into evil enlightenment by several evil enlightenment activists in Masanjia Labour Camp. After I was released I didn’t do the exercises or send righteous thoughts.
In my dreams, Master gave me a few hints: I saw that I was wearing different socks on two feet. I didn’t understand what it meant. Another time a fellow practitioner saw that my head was covered with a net; he wanted to help me blow it up and asked me what it felt like. I didn’t feel anything. Once when I was lying down to sleep, I suddenly saw my body in other dimensions: the skin was relatively smooth like light shining through a porous black film, but on the surface was attached black carbon-textured sharp objects that stuck out. I was seriously alarmed and immediately felt that I might have problems. Later I realised that the so-called "transformation" was wrong. I issued a solemn statement and did the three things. But the root of evil enlightenment had not been eradicated. The basis point was still to so-called consummate myself through cultivation. Fa study and sending righteous thoughts were just a formality. The rationale of the old forces was to increase the tribulations in order to pass the test. So by the end of 2004, I was kidnapped again when at work.
These three years in the labour camp I purely endured. I’ll spare the details, except two incidents. When I staged a strike, the jailer grabbed my hair and smashed the back of my head to the floor. I felt as if my head was a ball. It didn’t hurt at all. Master bore it all for His disciple. Before being released from jail, in a dream I felt crackling sounds in my head like firecrackers going off. I remembered what the fellow practitioner said about the net over my head. It should have been blasted off. During these three years I have also completely seen through how the evil Communist spirit manipulated people, used people to fight people, and its hypocrisy and coercion.
Before I was arrested in 2004, several times I suddenly felt I was able to see my own thoughts. But I didn’t get to the bottom of it. I still followed whatever thoughts came from my mind. I still pondered how I would react if I were to be captured. After I came out this time, once during the exercises, I felt my mind was filled with all kinds of thoughts. I asked who was I?! Now I knew that no one was me. Since then whenever I went along with the thoughts in my mind, I would suddenly run into hard objects or suddenly drop something in my hand. And then I would come to my senses. In this way Master helped me strengthen my main consciousness time and again.
Slowly, my main consciousness became stronger. Sometimes I only followed the thoughts in my mind for a few seconds before I came around. Most of the time, looking at those thoughts messing about, I would eliminate them. Of course, I carried on clarifying the truth as usual. But because I had not truly returned to the Fa-rectification cultivation path, there was always the feeling of helplessness. Once when I was sending forth righteous thoughts, I saw my feet were soaked in blood. Later I met a friend of the family, an American living in France. In the year after my release I came with him to France.
Because I did not completely clean out the awful mess from evil enlightenment, after coming abroad I didn’t persist well with Fa study, exercises or sending forth righteous thoughts. Still I considered myself to be on the Fa. Later, having encountered a series of various spiritual and financial tribulations, I completely turned into a busy ordinary person. In several dreams, I was surrounded by a low iron fence. The fence gate was open, while I sat still in the middle. I also dreamed that I went out of one door, and there was another door. I kept going from door to door without being able to get out. This went on for two or three years.
I felt something was wrong. At that time, my friend wanted to learn the exercises, so I took him outside to do the exercises. We studied the Fa at night. Since I made the determination to change my cultivation state, blood appeared in my stools. It lasted for six months, for two consecutive weeks each month. When I sat on the toilet, blood dripped and dropped for half an hour or even one hour before I could get up. It was all black blood or blood clots, sometimes several times a day. I did not care. Later, when I introduced Falun Gong to a friend, she said one of her friends also practised. So I came to know about the practice site in Geneva. I joined group exercises once every weekend. I also began to browse the Internet to learn how Master brought the practice to the public. I realised that the sandalwood scent from my body 20 years ago might have had something to do with Master spreading the Fa.
During the promotion for Shen Yun in Geneva at the end of 2013, I initially participated over the weekends and in the end managed to get rid of all distractions to participate wholeheartedly. I got to attend group Fa study, exercises, sending forth righteous thoughts and do Dafa things unreservedly.
In the last three months of 2013, I was severely out of breath when walking uphill and my legs felt extremely heavy. Since moving to the basement apartment shared by practitioners during the Shen Yun promotion period, I was swollen all over, from my eyelids and face to my feet. My trousers and shoes no longer fitted me. I had a runny nose, phlegm and a cough; I suffered all symptoms. However, I only had one thought in my mind: nothing could stand in the way of completing my life’s mission. I shifted attention away from my body and eliminated whatever thoughts popped into my head about the feeling of my physical state. After joining the group I realised the huge gap between me and fellow practitioners: I still did things based on "I", how I would do things well, rather than taking the other party’s point of view to see whether they could understand or accept it, truly thinking about others.
I found that a lot of the time my truth clarification became like a kind of knowledge presentation. When reading the experience sharing articles with other practitioners, I realised that for this past dozen years, the starting point of my cultivation had been selfishness and me. I wanted to purify myself to achieve personal consummation, rather than what Master wanted us to be: to think of others whenever, wherever, and assimilate to the universal principles of “Truthfulness, Compassion, and Forbearance”. I felt heart-wrenching pain... I also found in my mind all kinds of strange thoughts of using Dafa. I read over and over again the article Dafa Cannot be Used. I also recited: “I am a disciple of Master Li Hongzhi. I do not want or recognise any other arrangements.”
Promoting Shen Yun, we were like a legion in battle. Each had to let go of their ego, preferences and the thought that their idea was better, etc. in order to clear away various interferences from work, life and family. Only when we gave this the top priority and coordinated well with one another, could we break through the various interferences of the old forces and truly save people. When we went out to distribute the advertising brochures, regardless of the weather we would not return until it was dark, taking full advantage of the evening rush hour to facilitate entering apartment units. Sometimes pulling the weighty cart and dragging heavy legs to climb uphill, I forged ahead repeatedly reciting silently "It’s hard to endure, but you can endure it. It’s hard to do, but you can do it."
At the stall, sometimes we could not return home until 10pm. Sometimes when all was finished during the day, at night we still needed to go give out leaflets in front of theatres, not returning until almost midnight. Whatever needed to be done I did it, following the coordinators’ arrangements. Even though I was often exhausted back in the basement, the next morning I was ready to set off full of energy. Once I was at a shopping centre stall with a Western practitioner. After we took turns to finish our lunch, seeing there were many people, we decided not to rest. When she had just finished introducing Shen Yun to a group of people in front of the TV, I would take another group up. There were always people watching in front of the TV. We felt surrounded by a peaceful field. Everyone listening to the introduction was full of joy. We were also full of joy doing the introduction.
There was also a small incident. One day on the way to giving out Shen Yun brochures I bought and changed into a more formal pair of trousers to meet the dress code for Shen Yun promotion. In order to quickly enter the apartments, I usually left the cart outside the door. There was a large mirror inside the apartment building. That day after I finished a unit, I looked in the mirror to see if the trousers fitted me and whether they looked good. When I got out, I was dumbfounded: the cart was gone. I was shocked. The cart was full of advertising for saving people, watched over by Master. It should not have gone missing. I immediately looked inward: while doing things to save sentient beings, I was checking myself out rather than saving people with a pure heart. Master only looks after cultivators, not ordinary people. After coming to the understanding, I calmed down and looked further down both sides of the street. Suddenly my green cart appeared at the street corner in the distance. A person disappeared in a flash. I quickly rushed over. Thank you Master! I realised I really had to "Cultivate your xinxing without a moment’s pause" (Genuine Cultivation, Hong Yin). When human notions are at work, you are an ordinary person.
During this period, once during meditation at home I saw a grey shell nearly 1 cm thick break off from my neck. In a dream in the basement, I was sitting in a car speeding from halfway up a hill directly onto a wide straight road. Prior to that, I had been arduously following a winding mountain path upward. Even if I did reach the top, there would not be any result, still everything was old. In another dream I poured water into a wash basin. I looked and saw that of my two legs, one was thick and one was thin. When I woke up, it had really happened. The swelling had gone down in one leg. The two legs were obviously not the same thickness. There is no shortcut in cultivation.
During Shen Yun promotion, the whole group lived in an underground shelter. Every morning we got up at 4:50 to send righteous thoughts, followed by five sets of exercises. After breakfast, we sent righteous thoughts again for 30 minutes, before we went out to promote Shen Yun. At night we studied the Fa and shared together. In this collective environment, I realised many unrighteous notions and eliminated them in time to promote Shen Yun with a pure heart. When fellow practitioners criticised me, I quickly checked the basis of my thoughts. My heart was full of joy. I became more relaxed and full of strength. It was not until that time that I felt as if I had really obtained the Fa. During this period I underwent huge changes physically and mentally. I felt every day was different. Today’s me was no longer the me from the day before.
After the Shen Yun performance finished in Geneva, I participated in Shen Yun promotion in Milan, Italy, which was another rare opportunity to eat, live, do the three things together and coordinate well with fellow local practitioners. Of course, it was quite hard because of the language barrier, lack of manpower and large workload. We had to get through the gates, doors and security guards of the residential communities. All kinds of factors were blocking beings from getting information about Shen Yun. However, as a Dafa disciple, I quickly learned a few simple words mixed with other languages, which always enabled me to communicate with others. When we returned to our lodging it was often 11pm or 12 midnight. Four practitioners from Switzerland had bought tickets to watch the show in Milan. Having arrived in Milan and seeing we were still doing promotion, they immediately gave up watching the show, and got involved in the promotion. I was really touched. In them I saw what true Dafa disciples were.
We continued the promotion through the first two days of the shows. None of us went to see the show. It was not until before the last show on the third day that we left Milan. On that day the local practitioners continued the promotion. In the process I saw the eagerness of beings hoping to be saved and their joy of being saved. That afternoon I was standing in the sun, holding leaflets in my hands facing traffic. The heavenly maidens on the leaflet were shining in the sun. A car drove slowly towards me. Seeing the heavenly maidens, a lady in the car gradually opened her mouth and her eyes too, full of surprise and joy. The car stopped. This scene was fixed in my mind. In such a way I'm being tempered in the environment that Master created for disciples to be diligent together, fulfilling my mission. Once when I was sending forth righteous thoughts, I saw a big hand taking away the net over my head. I am finally a being controlled by own righteous thoughts. Such is the degree of compassion.
Of course, because I had lagged behind for a long time, I cannot simply pay lip service to keep up with the process of Fa rectification. It is also not easy to maintain righteous thoughts and righteous actions. After enlightenment I have to do it too. After returning home I would fall asleep while studying the Fa by myself, and continue when I woke up. It would even take me three hours to finish one lecture. I would also fall asleep while sending righteous thoughts, palm down. I am not discouraged, continue to learn and continue to do, and do more. When all kinds of physical tribulations manifested again, I followed Master’s teaching and did not care at all.
Master said in Teaching the Fa in San Francisco, 2005: "How well has the person who exhibits the sickness karma cultivated? Is he able to make it through with strong righteous thoughts while in such a state? Does he truly treat himself as a god and pay no attention to any of it whatsoever?" Now I can see those thoughts coming out from different parts of the brain, and immediately eliminate them. As Master said: "If you don't resist it or don't handle things with righteous thoughts, but instead often let attachments guide your behaviour, then that's not cultivation." (Teaching the Fa in San Francisco, 2005)
Anyway, forging ahead with a righteous mind, I feel lighter and lighter. I cherish every day, trying to do three things well with righteous thoughts.
Finally, I’d like to quote Master from Teaching the Fa in San Francisco, 2005:
“Disciple asks: On June 5th of this year, I read a group declaration from dozens of disciples at that prison, stating that they will firmly cultivate in Dafa and follow Master to the end. Master, please set your mind at ease.
Teacher: If those words had been said three or four years ago, I really wouldn't have been able to set my mind at ease, but now I am able to. (Applause) Back then it was unclear whether Dafa disciples would be able to make it through during this persecution, and unclear how many would be able to make it through. Even though gods were protecting them and Master was watching over and protecting them, while being persecuted could the Dafa disciples truly have righteous thoughts and righteous actions like gods? Making it through depends on one's own steadfast righteous thoughts and firm belief in Dafa. Master can take on the suffering for you, and I can even bear the pain in your place, but can you position your mind in a righteous way when under such cruel and harsh pressure? Are you treating yourself as a god or as a human being? Do you have ample righteous thoughts? All of these things depend on you, on you yourselves.”
My experience is precisely testimony of this Fa teaching.
Thank you all.
You are welcome to print and circulate all articles published on Clearharmony and their content, but please quote the source.