On June 8, I was very happy to read on the Minghui website that Teacher taught the Fa at the New York Fa conference. That night, I had a dream after sending forth righteous thoughts at midnight. The dream was about packing a backpack. All of the people in my dream were packing their backpacks and getting ready to take off, but I was being lazy. Instead of removing the old items, and packing my backpack with new items, I was just trying to stuff additional items on top of the old items without success. As the departure time approached, I still did not have my backpack ready. I knew that I had affected the whole group and I was sad and anxious. I woke up with the residual feeling of anxiousness.
The scenes in my dream kept me from going back to sleep. I thought to myself: "I started practicing Falun Dafa in 1996 and I have a military background. One would think that packing a backpack should be a piece of cake for me, but why couldn't I pack my backpack in the dream?" I continued thinking, "It is because I didn't pay attention to Teacher's words, "the closer to the end, the more diligent you should be." My inability to pack was not only caused by interference from the old forces, but more so from being complacent, lazy and attached to comfort."
I took a look at my own issues. For example, I have not been able to calmly study the Fa and sometimes I get very sleepy when studying the Fa, having to take a nap first. I also seem to have many plans, but am only able to follow through with a few. When I start to write an article, I leave it unfinished. There was a couple at my daughter's workplace that used to practice Dafa, but stopped after the persecution started. I had plans to give them some materials about Falun Dafa. However, I didn't do anything for two weeks and when I finally decided to do it, they were on vacation.
Teacher said in "Greetings" (To the Dafa disciples attending the Canada Fa Conference ) on May 17, 2009,
"Walk the last steps of your path well and with determination, study the Fa well, and, with a foundation laid by your having cultivated well, your righteous thoughts will naturally grow stronger and you will surely do well with what Dafa disciples are supposed to do. The evil is finished and the environment has changed, so it is even more imperative that you not let up in cultivation. Go forth and forge your mighty virtue and glory by carrying out the sacred mission of saving sentient beings!"
My dream hinted to me that Fa-rectification has reached the very end, and that there is little time left for us to cultivate and save sentient beings. However, I still have the mentality of showing off, competitiveness, attachment to time and consummation, etc. Many of my thoughts are not aligned with the Fa, and one in particular: I still haven't broken through the interference of "sleepiness." All of these shortcomings have interfered with my doing the three things (study the Fa [the teachings of Falun Dafa], send forth righteous thoughts and clarify the truth about Falun Dafa and about the persecution to the world's people).
I am ashamed in the face of Teacher's requirement to save all sentient beings. Teacher said in "Fa Teaching at the 2008 New York Conference",
"...because your improvement comes first. Without your improvement, nothing can be achieved, and that includes saving sentient beings. If you fail to improve and achieve Consummation, where will the sentient beings that you save go? Who will take them? Why not look at things that way?..."
My understanding is that under a relaxed environment, "complacency and laziness" are the biggest enemies to cultivators. At this last moment, if one relaxes oneself, one may be ruined forever and all previous effort would have been in vain. A practitioner who should reach consummation and does not is committing sins against all sentient beings; it is the greatest disrespect to Teacher. Our historic mission does not give us the right to fail to cultivate ourselves well.
I thank Teacher for the hints in my dream. Writing this dream down helped me to realize that I am lagging behind, and reminds and encourages me to catch up with Fa-rectification and to become a qualified Dafa disciple.
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